EVER SINCE I WAS A YOUNG KID I have wanted to be a missionary. I have always loved travel, adventure, and the idea of taking the Gospel to those who had never heard.
An interesting thing happened several years ago, as I was busy pursuing my great plans to serve God cross-culturally…God showed me something that I was missing; something that I desperately needed if I was going to take the message of Jesus to the ends of the earth. No, it was not a Swiss army knife b/c I already had that. The thing that I was missing was, in fact, Him. I had been working so frantically for God, doing so much stuff for Him and trying so hard to please Him, that I missed Him. I somehow managed to ignore, or blind myself to His grace, His love, and the intimacy He offered. I had exchanged a relationship with a caring Father for a set of rules I thought I should follow. I had replaced the sacrifice of a loving Savior with my own attempts to earn forgiveness and favor with God.
Since God has opened my eyes to His grace (which is another story) I have not been the same. I would describe my life before that experience with words such as guilt, shame, frustration, and failure. Now, though, I can use words like freedom and rest.
I have only been on this new path for a few years, so I still often wrestle with the lies I lived by for so long. Our God, though, is the God of truth. And He is the God of rescue. As I believe the truth of the Gospel more and more, I am being rescued, saved, from those lies and am living according to what is real. Salvation is coming, but it is also here and now!
To draw me near to Himself, God has graciously provided me with an incredible, beautiful wife. By listening, forgiving, laughing, sacrificing, encouraging, pursuing me, allowing me to be in process, Lindsey puts God on display to me daily. I am known and still accepted. What an amazing gift! As I experience her love, I am beginning to believe a Creator-God could love me. I am beginning to risk “letting” Him have control of my life, my heart.
So, I still want to be a part of taking God’s message of salvation to the end of the street and the ends of the earth. But I do not want to bring an empty religion or a message of behavior modification. I hope to point others to the God who loves us, pursues us, and offers us life in relationship with Him.