this beautiful mess: intro

A while back, my counselor suggested that I write as a method of helping me process things I’ve been thinking, feeling, etc. I agreed that it would be an effective means of growth for me, but I was skeptical about the chances of me actually doing it. Writing takes a lot of effort for me and does not come naturally. Recently, Lindsey and I were doing lunch w/a friend of ours who is a pastor at Rockharbor, and he was encouraging us to be more vulnerable with our blog entries. He thought we should share more of ourselves so as to let people enter into our story in a more personal, intimate way. I agreed, in theory, that he was on to something, but was not sure how to make it happen. But after the suggestions of both of these wise people, whose opinions I highly respect, I decided I had to do something, so I am starting a new series of blog entries about my journey, my life in relationship with God, myself, and others and my growing understanding of the Gospel. I want to share with you what I am thinking about, wrestling with, believing, learning. I am not exactly sure what this will look like, but I have chosen to title the posts “This Beautiful Mess” which I borrowed from Rick McKinley’s book. Life, especially the relational aspects, is messy, but there is a loving God who enters the mess and brings redemption and renewal. By grace, He reveals more of Himself to us and calls us to know Him deeply. And that is very beautiful.

I am choosing to write on the blogsite partly to keep me accountable to actually write consistently, but more importantly b/c I actually think I might have something worth sharing. At least I hope people can relate. I think my experiences are very similar to most other people. The lies I believe are the same ones that fallen humanity has been enslaved to for thousands of years, and the freedom and salvation God is bringing me is the same that is offered to everyone. I know I am not alone and I want to invite others into my story and into the bigger story of God reconciling creation to Himself. Again, I don’t really know what this will look like or evolve into. Like life, growth, and sanctification, I guess it will be a process. I know that I want it to be raw and real (easier said than done). If I proofread and clean it up too much I am afraid I may lose connection with it (I quote a timeless, classic movie “Joe Dirt”….”Don’t church it up, son”….wise words). And, honestly, this is more for me than for you (the reader). I have to admit, I am kind of excited, but I also kind-of hate this. I wanted to put my writings on my personal “Jason” page on the website, b/c I knew no one really checks that. I am much more comfortable about having my emotions, thoughts, and insecurities, tucked away and hidden on a page no one looks at. I would love to do whatever helps me keep up the image of the cool missionary risk-taker guy who has it all together and is confident and care-free and all that stuff, even though that is not really true. Lindsey encouraged me to write on the “blog” page, so more people can peer into my bare soul (my words, not hers). It is a good idea. I was not created to journey alone, and as I get to know myself and God more accurately, and embrace Gospel truth more deeply, I want to join a community of others who are walking this path (or maybe more appropriately put, “dancing this dance”), and hopefully I can encourage more people to join us.

So, that is what is coming. For anyone who reads “This Beautiful Mess” posts and resonates with them, I welcome feedback, so comment freely, send an email, or give me a call, even if it is scary for you. I hope this can be a small thing that God uses in my life, and maybe the lives of others. Thanks for reading this, and stay tuned for more.